Miscarriages happen, it does not mean that you may never have a healthy baby. A Miscarriage is a naturally occurring event, but I believe that a miscarriage is the way of nature saying that it is not their time. It does not mean that their spirits leave us, they are always with us watching over us.
My journey has been emotional and interesting journey. When I was in college at St. Benedicts in St. Joseph, Minnesota, I had a relationship with a student at St. Joseph University, our brother school. We were intimate and used protection, but evidently, the condom broke. Several weeks after our romantic encounter, I realized that I was pregnant. Wow, I was a college student trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life, and I was not equipped to support and care for a baby, and neither was the father.
I came home to Chicago, petrified, to inform my parents that I was pregnant. I was baptized Catholic, and I visioned that my parents would be disappointed and ashamed of me and maybe banish me from their home. Boy was I wrong! They were not at all judgmental and their first question was, “What do you want to do?” I expressed to them that I was not able to care for a baby and neither was the father. They said OK, they will handle things. I had no idea what that meant. This was in Chicago in 1971. Abortions were illegal, and I had no idea what it would entail.
My parents were the best and they were pretty connected within the Chicago community. The next day, I was told that I had an appointment with a Doctor. I went to the Doctors office alone and told the receptionist that I had an appointment for the “Special Treatment.” I met with the Dr, he examined me, and I was instructed to return the next day, I had to arrive alone and could not have anyone with me at all.
The next day, I arrived at the office, I was led into a room where I was instructed to remove my clothes from the waist down then go into the hallway and wait until I was called. I did as instructed and then went to the hallway to wait, there were about half a dozen girls of various stages of pregnancy. There was one that looked as if she was in her third trimester. I was nervous and scared, but I was in it now.
Once I was called, I went into the operating room and laid on the table and instructed to put my legs into the stirrups. A few minutes later the Doctor came in and went to work. I felt something inserted in me and could hear what sounded like a vacuum cleaner start and I felt the pressure in my groin area. It was uncomfortable and painful. After about what seemed like an eternity, I was told that it was done. I was led out of the operating room and given a huge kotex pad. I was instructed to get dressed and go home. I had to call a cab to take me home. I was cramping and bleeding and I felt so empty. I had no idea that I would feel so emotional.
Once I arrived home I went to bed and slept for about ten hours. I was grateful that my parents supported me in this. I did not feel that I made the wrong choice, but I was grateful that I still healthy and did not end up with a hanger pushed inside me leaving me to bleed to death. I believe that we must make decisions in life, and we must take responsibility for them.
I left St. Benedict College and moved on with my life. In 1978, I was living in Los Angeles. A girl friend introduced me to Chino “Fats” Williams. He was an actor on the “Baretta” television series. Fats was 19 years my senior, but he was a sweet entertaining man and we fell in love. We lived together for a little while then on December 22, 1979, we were married. In mid-1980, I went to my gynecologist and found out that I was pregnant. I found out on a Monday and then that Friday I started bleeding. I went to the emergency room and subsequently had a miscarriage. You might think that I did not have much time to process that I was pregnant, but my mind processed that this was God’s way if punishing me for having an abortion. I do not think that I believed that, but when your hormones are out of control, there is no understanding what goes through your mind. I got past this event, but it never leaves you.
Later in 1980, I became pregnant with twins. We were ecstatic. I figured that I could finally move on to be the best mother that I could be. I was being seen by a wonderful Doctor at UCLA medical center. My pregnancy was proceeding as well as could be expected, except for the fact that I had fibroid tumors as well as the fetuses. Fibroids are benign tumors, but when you are pregnant, the hormone interaction can cause the fibroids to grow. Mine were growing faster than the babies. I had several and they were about the size of grapefruits. Once I moved into my fifth month, I noticed spotting. I called the Doctor and she had me come to the hospital. Upon arriving at the emergency, they examined me and said that I was starting to dilate, and the membrane was protruding a little. Not a good thing at five months. They moved me to the maternity ward. I laid there for several days with my legs elevated, as I listened to other women going through labor having their babies. After about two days the membrane ruptured and that was it. With the babies and the fibroids there was no room for all of them. When the membrane ruptured, the possibility of infection was great.
I went into labor and the fetuses did not survive. Basically, a miscarriage. I do know that there was a boy and a girl. I was never given the opportunity to see them. That was it. I recovered in the maternity ward with a woman that was recovering from her third miscarriage, although, she had five children at home. While I was recovering, I decided that I was still being punished for that abortion and I figured that I would never enjoy the joy of motherhood.
About six months after that, I had a myomectomy. Myomectomy (my-o-MEK-tuh-me) is a surgical procedure to remove uterine fibroids, I had numerous fibroids, they also did a D&C. A D&C allows removal of the uterine lining and examination of the tissue under a microscope by a pathologist. This can help establish the cause of the abnormal bleeding. The causes of irregular or abnormal bleeding include Fibroids and polyps: These conditions are quite common.
A few months later, I was pregnant again. I was closely followed by my Gyn, and we decided to do a cerclage. A cervical cerclage, these are strong stiches (sutures) are used to close the cervix during pregnancy to help prevent premature birth. Typically, the stitches are removed during the last month of pregnancy. One of the symptoms of a cerclage is possible spotting, but I was able to sustain my pregnancy until several weeks before my due date.
On about February 6, the cerclage stitches were removed. I was due around February 24, 1982. On February 13, my water broke. Fats took me to the hospital, and I was deep into labor. On February 14, at 3:39 a.m. we welcomed 8-pound 10-ounce, 21 inch long, Rhuben Jonn Williams.
You can get past a miscarriage and have a healthy baby. I have been blessed with an amazing son. I have always known that Rhuben was an amazing child, as his mother, it is my job to believe that. He has always been a loving and giving person. I have had many people tell me what a great person that he is. I have been told by mediums and physics that the spirits of the twins returned and are within the soul of Rhuben. I knew that he was special, but never realized what it was until I was told. So, those angels never left me, they just had to wait until it was time for them to return within Rhuben.
Miscarriages are painful and there is nothing wrong with grieving, that is part of the process. But I do believe that those souls will always be there and possibly return in one form or another.
My reason for this missive is that we welcomed our first granddaughter, Camden Leann in March, 2021. Rhuben and Megan had a miscarriage the year before year and I remember the pain in his voice when Rhuben called me sobbing. I tried to comfort him, but I knew that there was no way to. He, they, had to go through the process. They are now proud parents of a beautiful energetic little girl.
Being pregnant during this pandemic must be stressful. Rhuben and Megan made the trip from Athens Georgia to Las Vegas for Thanksgiving. This was the first time that I did not make a turkey. We decided that the important part of this Thanksgiving was to be together. I even got to feel Camden kick. WOW, what an experience.
Rhuben has several of his “Goodfellas” friends that are now parents. These are my sons from other mothers. I know that many times couples do not reveal having a miscarriage, I understand that. My takeaway is that it is no one’s fault, and you can move forward. I also learned that my mother had suffered several miscarriages.
When or if this happens to you, you are not alone. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Chrissy Tegan and Megan Markel have been inspiring in sharing their stories. They are strong role models for young ladies today. Their stories inspired me to tell my story here.
I have taken a deep breath and released the shame, grief and pain associated with these things. Today, I am blessed with a man that loves me, a son and daughter in love. I have a beautiful granddaughter as well. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food on the table. I have been survived Covid. I am blessed with a life and love and appreciate the people in my life.
Thank you for listening, please stay safe. We will survive and thrive through this and become stronger.
The Goddess